that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
