I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
