I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
