i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
