At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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