The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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