fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
