Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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