3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I party with great urgency now.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize