I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
