Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
