i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
