...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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