your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
