tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
