what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
