he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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