Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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