It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
people are starting to question the shark bite story
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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