i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
