I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
