She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
there is glitter all over my balls
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
