She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
