I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
