I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
