When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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