Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
