Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I have fence marks all over my body
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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