They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
