I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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