i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
