Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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