Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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