What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
