walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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