Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
