Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
