And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
