oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
