Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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