You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
