you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
