Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize