it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
