in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
