distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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