People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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