I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I think my moral compass just broke
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
