Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
