I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
