I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
