was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
