I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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