ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
