when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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