I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
