Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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