you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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