Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
God, you're like boner-b-gone
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
