so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
