Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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