Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
