Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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