i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
