Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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