did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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