Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
