You work out of a Hotel?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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