No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
